Confession and Peace

It just hit me today that in the Eucharistic liturgy, the confession comes right before the passing of the peace.  I think that this is significant.  It is only after confessing corporately that we are sinners that we approach each other and offer a blessing of peace.  We cannot truly be at peace with each other if we are not penitent in our hearts.  It is only after confessing, "we have not loved you with our whole hearts and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves," that we can truly enter into fellowship.

This reminds me that St. Benedict instructed that each of the times of prayer be ended with the Lord's Prayer.  He believed that the men and women should go into their days having just prayed, "forgive us our sins as we forgive each other."  Here again, community is dependent on being penitent.

Am I approaching the people around me with a penitent spirit, or do I think that I have all of my ducks in a row?  Am I living a live of humility or am I forcing my way on others.  Are there those whom I am struggling to love and forgive?  Looking to the day ahead, I realize that there is much room for me to grow in these areas.

The Prayer of Sleeping

I have a few times recently found myself praying in my dreams.  I have begun to wonder if it is possible to be in such a state of prayer than, even in my sleep I am praying.

Swimming in the Murky Waters

There are times when following Christ seems much more of a murkier business.  These are times when the right or wrong path seems less clear.  In some cases, there may not be a clear good path at all, but one must choose between two less-than-desirable options.  In these times, one may wonder if God can be glorified at all.  We may have to take an unpopular stand or buck the system some.  We may seem evil to someone.  In the end we must choose, making the best of the discernment process that we can.

In these times, it helps to be reminded of God's providence.  Before you were born, God knew that you would be in this position and he knew what choice you would make.  We must also remember that God is for us.  Take time to read Psalm 121.  The Lord is looking out for us.  We can always take comfort in that.

We may get less-than-stellar advice, and we may wonder if we have made a mistake.  We are all imperfect, and there will be mistakes.  There will be a time for reflection and repentance, but God understands this.  He doesn't require perfection.  He requires obedience.

I am still not sure how God can be glorified in some of these places.  We may feel like a failure.  We may have burned bridges that we wanted to preserve.  Relationships may be wounded and losses suffered by all. However, if we seek him, he will be glorified in the end.

Not Trying So Hard

I have to admit one of my vices now: being a first-born child, I have a strong desire to get things "right."  This urge has been  a great trial for me.  I put so much pressure on myself to do a good job, that I end up trying too hard and sabotage myself.  Not too long ago, I taught a Sunday School class.  I was teaching a subject that I knew rather well. It should have been natural for me to talk about it.  Instead, I allowed myself to choke under the burden of being spectacular.

I have been growing to find that in spiritual growth, this perfectionism is a great hindrance.  First, it assumes that we can get things perfectly, which is not possible.  Also, it misses the places where God is working in out imperfections to meet others.  I am slowly learning that rather than trying to be great, I should obediently follow the Lord trusting that he will work in me.  It is much more important to be present and to listen than it is to perform in most cases.

I am six months into my ordination.  I have not yet had many spectacular moments.  Most of my ministry is being faithful to my weekly duties.  Still, I have to trust that those ministries that God has put on my heart: ministries of mercy and spiritual formation, are being accomplished in the life of my parish in ways that I may not realize.  I do not have to try so hard, because God is at work in me and in the parish that I serve.

The Sacred Gaze

This morning, I was reading from Teresa of Avila's The  Story of My Life, and at one point stopped dead in my tracks.  I immediately felt myself drawn into a spirit of prayer.  Now, prayer takes many forms and most people think of prayer as talking with God.  This was different.  There was nothing said; nothing thought.  It was just a moment to sit in the sun of the light of the Son.  It was a moment when heart spoke to heart without words or images.  I was just being with Christ.   In this moment it was not necessary to say anything, but just to gaze on the goodness and greatness of God.  The moment came and went; it was not long.  But it was refreshment to the soul and strength to continue to walk in Christ.

Hope

I have recently had a few scary things happen. The latest was that my dog got terribly ill. This was not just any dog. He had come into my life at a crucial time and changed it. Many of the friends that I have had over the past few years were because of my dog. Last week, I took him to the vet because he had been vomiting. As it turns out, he was going to need invasive surgery. I was devastated. I was broke at the time and had no way to pay for it. I turned to God in prayer. I didn't want to put him down. I was in tears. I called my mother, my only living parent, to get advice. As it turns out, God provided all that was needed for him to get better.

 The world is a scary place. In 2008, I was ready to complete my advanced degree and enter the workforce of professionals. I had a good resume and years of experience. We all know what happened. Not only did many of my job prospects seem to disappear overnight, but half of my savings was lost in the downturn. When I did get that next job, it was for significantly less than I would have made just a couple of years before. I think that many of us have stories where things did not go as planned. Many of us have been laid off in the past at an inopportune time, or had an accident or illness right when we were getting back on our feet. I once heard about a tycoon who said that he would not feel truly secure util he had another billion in the bank.

 I have learned that there is not a lot that I can depend on in this life. It is too unpredictable. What I can count on is Jesus. I don't have to depend on the economy, a job or a relationship. My hope is anchored in the victory of Christ. The Kingdom has already come, though not in its fullness. All of the bad things that can happen to me have been overcome. I can rest assured that I will always be taken care of by Christ.

 I do have insurance on my dog now. Hope in Christ does not preclude planning as best as we can. But I still realize that there will always be things that my plan does not cover, and there are things from which my dog cannot survive. the same could be said for me. I'm okay with that.

Fasting

In much of the church today, we do not know what to make of fasting.  We know that the Bible teaches it, but we do not know why.  Many teach today that fasting is simply about time management: we skip meals to free up more time to pray.  I think that this misses the point.  Cassian  teaches that fasting, in the tradition of the desert fathers, is about learning impulse control.  The idea is that we need to practice impulse control in small things in order to be ready to practice it in larger areas.  So, we set up a way of denying our impulses in a controlled setting.  We resist the impulse to eat for a short time to build up our spiritual muscles of self-denial. I have found this to be at work in my own life.  In times when I am fasting regularly, I also tend to be more obedient.

God's providence and my life

the other day at a social event I found myself in the company of parents sharing stories of their children.  Having not been married and having no children of my own, I made an awkward comment on my nieces and nephews who are a regular part of my life.  I could see them giving me that look that says, "You have no idea."  Most adults my age have families, and I often find myself in a "party of one."  So, a day later I am thinking about my life and what direction it might have taken in another reality.

I have always felt that I was in God's will.  Even in the less than spectacular choices and in my stumbling, I have always been convinced that I was generally where God wanted me at the time.  I had other options in times past, but did not sense God in them, so I passed them up.  Still, I sometimes stop and wonder.

In the end, it is all about how much I trust the providence of God.  There is nothing in my life that has taken God by surprise.  His hand has been on me all the way.  If I am living in obedience to him, then I have to trust that his plan for my life is being fulfilled.  I have to trust that those memories that I will never have and the live that I never will live is not the best that God has for me.  I have to trust that the life that I have is the one that will most impact God's kingdom.

For me, following God has meant sacrifice, but I am coming to terms with God's plan for my life.  This plan may not be one that most can understand.  Spiritually, it has often been a call to the desert, but I have found a measure of peace and joy in it.  I still struggle some times to trust God's providence, but I am growing in faith

Sharing

The other day a sister shared a deep concern with me.  I shared that I too had gone through something similar. I could see that my sharing did not please her.  It was only afterwards that I understood that what she wanted was not to know that I could relate, but that I had heard and having heard would lift her up to the Lord.

The Wild Goose

The Celts often referred to God as the Wild Goose.  I have often felt this to be an appealing image.  the idea behind it was that there was an aspect of God which was always unexpected and wild in a good sense.  We see this a lot in the prophets, especially for me in Isaiah 20.  Here God commanded Isaiah to preach naked for three years.  the first time that I really understood what was going on in this passage, I thought, "God, what were you thinking."  It shook my sensibilities.  Here was God commanding public nudity.  Now, there are those who will try to explain it away in an attempt to make it meet our sense of decency, but I think that the passage is pretty clear.

How often we have tried to tame God, either making him into some type of Santa Clause, or other bearded old man.  Sometimes, especially in our worship, we sentimentalize him, making him more like a Precious Moments figurine.  We do not like a God with hard edges.  We want a fuzzy, warm God.

However, I think that the Celts were comforted by this image.  They say God as ever being able to surprise them by his goodness.  They saw him as a creative force.  They saw in this image a God that was beyond our completely figuring out.

God has revealed himself, but that revelation is limited to what we can take in.  There are parts of God which will forever be beyond our comprehension.

Why Call Me?

I remember looking at the magazine that is put out by my alumni association.  I remember reading about all of he great things that others have done.  Some make movies.  Some are IT successes.  Some are powerful leaders of industry.  Most of them are great people.  It is humbling.  It is too easy to make comparisons and ask what I have done with my life.

Have you ever wondered why God called you.  I know I have.  There are many more people in the  world with many more talents than I have.  There are many more in the world who have done a better job of managing their lives.  My life is now half-way through and it seems that I am just getting started.  I have not made waves.  I have not made my mark and perhaps never will.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul said that not many wise, or powerful or upper crust are called. Perhaps too many of us feel like we fit this description.  For every superstar, there are thousands who are just trying to get by.  But we are the ones that God has mostly called.  It doesn't make sense.  It is not what I would have done, but then I am not God.  Not even close.  All I can do is lay myself at God's feet to use.  But God has a mysterious way of taking those of us who are not great, not powerful and not important and doing great, powerful and important things.  The odd thing is that we may never  notice it.  We are just following God day-by-day and somewhere along the way in an almost "slight of hand" way, God works his wonders. Then, one day,if we are attentive,  we may turn around to see that behind us lay a trail of gospel works like little rose petals strewn along the path of our life.  It still may not make sense to us, but it is amazing.

Taking it to God

In our society, we are tempted to think that money is the solution to far too many of our problems.  I remember as a student, then for several years after, I struggled to meet my most basic needs.  I remember thinking that if I only made this much money, then all of my needs would be met.  Well, now I make that amount of money and the demands on my resources have grown as well.  Some of this is due to increasing responsibility.  Others are because of other life changes (I am now in seminary).  Still other demands on  my earnings are simply due to poor decisions.

 Lately, I have been trying to learn the discipline of putting my needs before God.  Instead of saying to myself, "if only I had the money I could do such and such,"  I am trying to put my needs first before God to see how he may want to address the situation.  In many ways, he was supplied true needs in other ways than a shopping trip.  Other times, he has not.  I have often found that if I wait on God, things have a way of coming my way.  I even was once sold a perfectly good car for $20, when my older car was nearing its end.

I still occasionally make bad decisions, but I am learning.   I am also beginning to feel less stressed by those unexpected needs that seem to catch us by surprise.  This is not an excuse to use God as our cosmic sugar daddy.  It is, however taking true needs and desires before the God of the universe trusting that he is generous God who is genuinely concerned with our well-being.

All Put Together or (Im)perfectionism part II

when I was in high school, I had as a classmate a young woman who got up in the morning hours before her family so that even her family would not see her without her makeup on.  This reminds me of how much time and energy that we as Christians put in to giving the appearance that spiritually we are "put together."  We know all the best answers to the questions.  We know how to look pious. Looking from the outside, one might think that we have it all together, but it is just makeup.

I recently read a book by a recovering alcoholic.  I like being around recovering alcoholics.  They have already come to the end of themselves.  They have already failed, and they have owned up to it.  The author talked at great lengths about how much we depend on the grace of God in our lives.  He said that it is okay to be imperfect, struggling, even a failure, because that is often where we meet God's grace.

The other day, I saw a commercial for a morning talk show where the theme was that everyone on the show wore no makeup.  I don't know much about women, but I know that to be on national television without makeup must take a big dose of courage.  Perhaps we need to be more like that in our lives.  I'm not suggesting that we all start divulging our deepest secrets, but perhaps we can be a little more honest with others and with ourselves.  Perhaps we need to be more like the Apostle Paul who wrote that he gloried in his weakness because in his weakens, God's strength is shown.

(Im)perfectionsim

I have to admit that I struggle with perfectionism.  Perhaps it is because I am a first-born, or perhaps it is because my father tended to be critical at times.  Perfectionism is one of the most depressing vices, because a perfectionist is guaranteed always to fail miserably.  Furthermore, out of all the people on earth, I must be one of the least likely to ever be perfect.  In fact, even by everyday standards, I have had more failures in my life than successes.  Some may even say that I am the poster boy for getting stuck on the lower rungs of the proverbial ladder.

The other day, I gave a rather difficult sermon.  I prayed before during and after.  I approached my study and meditation on the passage with a sincere desire to follow the leadership of Christ.  I knew that it would not necessarily be a popular topic.  The week after giving it, I found myself second guessing it. Were my  motive pure enough? Did I say the right things in the right way?  I then remember something that my father said when I was young.  My father was an associate pastor and music pastor at most of the churches that I ever attended until college.  He one day told me that when he sang in church, he sometimes did not know if he sang for God or simply because he loved to sing.  He said that in the end he had to trust the grace of God and that God knew his heart.  I will probably never preach a perfect sermon with a perfect heart, but that is not what God asks.  God asks that I put my less than perfect gifts at his feet and allow him to shape them according to his purpose. Through the power of God,  even my miserable attempts to reach the heights of mediocre accomplishments can be powerful tools in the hands of God.  This give me hope.

 

Homily on Luke 7: 36-50 Part 2

            The Pharisee did not understand.  How could Jesus let this woman touch him?  Did he not know who she was? Jesus seeing his confusion told a parable. In this parable, there are two people who owe money.  The text gives the debt in terms of the ancient coinage the denarius.  I saw one of these the other day.  It is a rather small coin.  It was what soldiers would have been paid for a day’s wage.  In the terms of today, one of the men in this parable owed about two months’ worth of wages, and the other owed about two years’ worth of wages.  Think of this in terms of credit card debt.  If one owed two months’ worth of wages in credit card debt would be difficult to pay off, but it could be done.  Imagine what it would be like if someone owed two years’ worth of wages on a high interest credit card.  Imagine the constant calls from creditors.  Imagine trying to pay it off, but feeling like you are making no progress.  It feels like the debt will always be there and there is nothing that you can do about it.  Imagine if some corporate raider came to you and said that he is forgiving the debt, no questions asked.  This would be totally out of character.  You would be immensely grateful.

            After telling this story, Jesus asked which would be more grateful, the one who owed little or the one that owed a lot.  I think that we would agree with the Pharisee that the one who owed two years wages would be more grateful for having his debt dismissed.  But this was a trick question.

            One of my favorite stories from the early desert fathers, the very first monks in the 3^rd and 4^th centuries is about a group of monks who came to Abbot Moses.  Abbot Moses was a great spiritual teacher.  On day, several monks came to Abbot Moses complaining about the sins of another monk.  The monks demanded that the abbot should punish the wayward brother.  The wise abbot asked for some time to think about this request.  He returned to his little room, shut the door and remained there for a good while.  Finally he cane running out with a long rope tied to is waist and dragging for many feet behind him.  The monks called out Abbot Moses, what are you doing.  He replied, I am coming to you as fast as I can, but my sins are trailing behind me.

            This reminds me of a popular story from the life of G.K. Chesterton.  Chesterton was a famous writer who died in the early 20^th century.  He was immensely popular during his day and was a huge influence on C. S. Lewis.  According to the story a reporter for the London Times wrote an article reflecting on some of the problems of his time.  He ended his article with the statement, “What’s wrong with the world?”  Chesterton wrote the editor, “Dear editor, what’s wrong with the world? I am. Faithfully yours, G.K. Chesterton.”

            What Chesterton and Abbot Moses both realized is that the real sin problem is with us.  The answer to the trick question is that there are no debtors who only owe a little: in other words there are no little sinners.  St Augustine, commenting on this passage said, “You love but little, because you really think that you are only forgiven of a little.  It’s not because little really is forgiven you, but because you think that what you have been forgiven of is only a little.”^[1]We all have more sin in us than we realize.  In fact, I think that most of us walk around in oblivion to this fact.   C. S. Lewis once wrote that it is easy to be good when things are going our way.  Augustine continues to say that the reason that we have not committed as many sins as we could have is that the place and time were just not right to allow the sin to ripen.

Some may find themselves  saying, “I know that I have sins but they are not really that bad.”  Let’s face it; it is all too easy to grow comfortable with our own sins.  This next story is a little embarrassing, but it illustrates this point well.   When I was a young man just out of college, I lived in the back corner of a large apartment complex.  The dumpster for my complex was in the front nearly a quarter of a mile away.  I hated schlepping the garbage all that way, so I often procrastinated. Occasionally, I waited a day too long, and my apartment became rather odoriferous.  That is a polite way of saying that it stank.  Usually, I would take it out at that moment, but I often found that if I didn't the next day it didn't smell anymore.  At least not until a friend walked in. Fortunately, I have learned to become a little better housekeeper.  In many ways it is the same with our sins.  What may be a minor inconvenience to us may be intolerable to another.  In reality, it is even our smallest sins that are responsible for the torturous death of Christ.  We all stand guilty of crucifying Jesus.

To be continued

---

^[1] Augustine of Hippo. (1888). Sermons on Selected Lessons of the New Testament R. G. MacMullen, Trans.). In P. Schaff (Ed.), A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church, First Series, Volume VI: Saint Augustin: Sermon on the Mount, Harmony of the Gospels, Homilies on the Gospels (P. Schaff, Ed.) (417). New York: Christian Literature Company.

Homily on Luke 7: 36-50 Part 3

Too often, we may become like the Pharisee focusing on how better we are than others.  Every generation has its favorite sins to protest.  This is often as a response to real moral threats but the temptation is to see those who participate in those sins as “those over there.”  At its worst we see televangelists making outrageous claims that natural disasters are God’s judgment on the sins of a particular group or community.  This is just another way of saying that,"it is not me it’s you."  Every good thing that we do is by the grace of God, and every bad thing that we do not do is also by the grace of God.  If I see someone committing a sin that is not a temptation to me, I am in no place to judge.  If I struggle so much with what I think are small sins, what makes me think that I could do better than another if I had their temptations.

            The power of the gospel is that, although we are born into a fallen humanity, and although we often have done exactly opposite of what God requires of us, God did not abandon us to ourselves.  The sinless Christ became sin for us, so that we may be conformed to his holy likeness.  We are new creatures. The old has passed away and all things are new.

            Because of this, we are driven to the feet of Jesus.  It is our tears which drench the feet of Jesus.  The desert fathers used to talk about the gift of tears.  There were stories of monks who coming into full awareness of what Christ had done for them would weep, sometimes for weeks           

            We may not walk around weeping, but there are other ways that we can show our gratitude to Christ. St. Ambrose said that we kiss the feet of Christ when we spend time reading his words.  He says that we anoint the feet of Jesus when we care for the wounded and weary.   He continues to declare that. “They are the feet of Christ whom he himself says, ‘what you have done for one of the least of these, you have done for me.’”

            William Cowper was an 18^th century priest and poet who was also a friend of John Newton, who wrote Amazing Grace.  Cowper penned the following lines.

Hark my soul!

 It is the lord

Tis my savior,

 here these words:

Jesus spake these words to thee,

Say

 poor sinner,

lovest thou me?

I delivered thee when bound

And when bleeding healed thy wounds

Sought the wondering,

 set thee right

Turned thy darkness into light.

Thou shalt see my glory soon when the work of grace is done

Partner of my throne shalt be.

Say

 poor sinner

 lovest thou me?

Lord,

My chief complaint is my love for thee

 is faint.

Yet,

I love thee

and adore

Oh for grace to love thee more

Homily on Luke 7: 36-50 in Three Parts: Part 1

Imagine that you are at a party.  Better yet, imagine that you are at an important work party. Perhaps it is the house of your boss’ boss or at an event for an important client.  You have just bought a new outfit.  It was a pretty pricey outfit, so you feel pretty good about yourself.  You are walking with your chin a bit higher.  You see everyone looking at you, and you think how envious they must be of you.  Then, you see a person in the corner who looks a little shabby.  In your mind, you think that they should be more like you.  You pity the person.  How awful it must be to only be able to wear those shabby garments.  Furthermore, how dare they show up to such an important event looking like that?  If they didn't have decent clothes it would have been better if they had stayed home.  Just then, someone taps you on the shoulder.  The person looks a little squeamish.  They are not making eye contact.  How intimidating you must be to then.  The person says, “I don’t know how to tell you this…” then proceeds to tell you that you have been walking around all evening with an embarrassing wardrobe situation.

            In today’s gospel, we see Jesus interacting with two people.  They are as different as can be.  In fact, it would be rare for these two characters to cross paths.  Let’s take a look at these two people.

            In this passage, we see Jesus at a dinner with a Pharisee.  It was a more formal dinner.  It might have been a case of inviting Jesus over after he spoke in the synagogue, much like one might invite an important visiting speaker out for dinner afterwards.  It might have been a banquet for Jesus who might have been seen as a local celebrity.  At any rate, this was more than having Jesus over for a little KFC.  It was a big t’do.

            The Pharisee was cordial, but did not go out of his way to be extra courteous.  He did not wash Jesus feet, which would have been a relief after a day on the dusty roads.  He did not give Jesus a kiss, which would have been like a hearty handshake.  He did not anoint Jesus head with oil, which would have been a symbol of blessing.  These were not required.  He was not being rude by not doing these things.  He had thrown a dinner for Jesus after all.  He just was not taking those extra steps to show respect to Jesus.

            Perhaps he was skeptical.  Jesus was viewed as a prophet, but was he really?  In the following events he seemed rather unaware. 

            We don’t know much about the woman, aside from the fact that she was called a great sinner.  Some have speculated that she could have been a prostitute, but she could just as well been in some other business that would have been seen as less than righteous.  Remember that tax collectors were also seen as being closely tied to sinners.  Whatever it was, it might not have seemed that great to many of us.  The reality of it was though that she was subject to intense shame, both personal and from others.  She would have been restricted from going certain places.  She would not be allowed so socialize with the “holy people.” 

            Perhaps now, you are thinking about Hawthorne’s novel, the scarlet letter. In that book, a woman, Hester Prynne, is found to be pregnant as a result of an extra-marital affair.  She is condemned by the town to wear a scarlet letter “A” on her dress for adulteress.  This woman in our story today may not have had a big red letter on her chest, but she was known for what she was in the town.  The Pharisee knew her and her story.

            But, something had happened. We don’t know where or when, but she had met Jesus and he had changed her life.  This woman crashed the party.  For a woman considered to be a sinner to enter a Pharisee’s house was just not done.  It would have been unthinkable.  She says nothing.  As she fell at Jesus’ feet, the scriptures say that she wet his feet with her tears.  In the original language it literally meant that her tears fell like a drenching rain on Jesus’ feet.  She then let down her hair, which would have been most inappropriate for a woman of that day.  She dried her tears from his feet, kissing them repeatedly - kisses full of emotion, like the father who welcomes home his prodigal son.  She then broke open a bottle of very expensive perfume and poured it on Jesus’ feet.

To Be Continued

Returning to Prayer

Today for the first time in a while, I am enjoying a quiet morning.  It has been a busy week with study, my day job and my ministry preparations.  I have worked hard.  In my off hours, I have been so tired that I have come home and filled my free time with TV and radio.  I began to feel that I had not heard the voice of God in a while.  So this morning, I am on my back porch with a couple of good devotional books and am enjoying returning to a place of prayer.

I often wonder how Mother Theresa handled it all: being both a contemplative and in a very active order.  How did she find those moments of spiritual retreat while caring constantly for the suffering?  I still struggle to find that balance.  I find myself rushing through the Daily office, rushing my prayers and rushing off to the next task.  When is the last time that I read the Psalms slow and let them sink in?  And I find myself forgetting to pray as I get busier and busier.  I had grown accustomed to having prayer rise in me like a spring, but as I get more distracted, it happens less.

Perhaps this is the quest of the contemplative in a busy world: to constantly strive to find a way to be both a person of prayer and a person of service.  Perhaps the struggle is the point.  At any rate, I will continue to try to learn to live both as God enables me.  

A Few Simple Words

Through Christ our mediator;
On Christ our foundation;
In Christ our life
With Christ our brother;
Unto Christ our goal;
For Christ our desire.

Living as if the Resurrection Happened: A Homily on Romans 8: 5-8

Picture, if you will, two cities.  The first one is on its way down. It has long ago lost its former splendor.  Its streets are full of potholes.  Its once stately manors are barely holding together.   Its currency has fallen to drastic deflation.  In the air there is the stench of pollution.  Businesses are failing one by one.  It is a city living on the edge.

Many of its citizens are still living as if it were still a thriving town. The nearly worthless money is earned and spent with great pleasure.    The aristocracy still tries to maintain the appearance of success.  The mayor still touts the city’s virtues.    The board of tourism works hard to make it look like the place to be.   The buildings, which should be condemned, are painted and plastered.   We might call its citizens delusional.  We might say that they are out of touch with reality.

Just a little way down the highway is another town.   Its lawns are perfectly manicured. Its smooth streets are lined with one beautiful home after another.  There is no poverty here.  Everything is on the gold standard because gold is the currency.   In this city, everyone is regarded as family.  In fact, every new resident is taken to city hall where the mayor personally adopts them into his family. The mayor makes sure that their every need is met.

This second city is bursting at its seams.    Its walls cannot contain it.  Soon it will engulf the first city. It will raze the run down structures of the first city, and from their foundations, rebuild them as a piece of itself.  The two cities will merge, and the first, dying city will be resurrected more glorious that it has ever been before.  This simple parable, in many ways describes what Paul is talking about in today’s epistle reading.   We are given two ways of living:  these too ways he calls “living according to the flesh,” and “living by the Spirit.”    One way leads to death, and the other leads to life.

*What does Paul mean when he talks about the flesh?    Are my skin, organs, bones and muscles evil?  When I pinch my skin, am I pinching something sinful?   What does he mean by living according to the Spirit: does he mean that we are to, in some way, escape matter and live on some ethereal plain?

When Paul talks about the flesh, he is not saying that the flesh is evil per se.  Chrysostom says, “Paul is not speaking here about the nature of the flesh… for in many ways we are indebted to that.  We have to give it food, warmth, rest, medicine clothing, and a thousand other things.” [1]  Instead, what Paul is talking about is living in present age, which we experience mostly through our senses, as if it were all that there was.   “The world is out of joint,” N. T. Wright warns us in Surprised By hope. [2]  Our way of life is not to be one that seeks the maximum comfort, prestige and enjoyment in this life.  To do so is to embrace death. 

Instead, we are to live with the Holy Spirit as our guide.  To live by the Spirit is to have our life oriented to the will of the Spirit in the same way that a compass needle always points north.  To live in the Spirit is to live on this side of Easter.  It is to live in the Kingdom of God

---

[1] Gerald Bray, editor. Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture New Testament vol. VI: Romans p. 214

[2] N. T. Wright. Surprised by Hope. P. 279

The Gospel and Business

I recently talked with someone who had worked for a major Christian company.  She said that she would never work for Christians again.  I can understand this.  I grew up in a ministry family.  I have seen the worst of it, and I am sure that I will see more.  It seems too often that when we enter the work place, even sometimes a Christian one, we check the gosspel at the door.  Then there are those who see themselves as “right” who run roughshod over others in the name of their rightness.   In looking to serve Christ, we stripe him.

 Someone that I worked with once a while ago said, “You know, the difference with a Christian businessman is that he will bless you before he cheats you.”  Actually, he used more colorful language.  What are we playing at?

There has to be a better way.  If Christ is Lord, then he must be Lord of all, including how we work.  There are worse things than failure.  I have failed many times, and I am sure that I will fail again. 

 For me, this highlights a huge problem with the church today.  As we have bought uncritically into the American economic system, we have adopted its values and ways of doing business.  Unfortunately, many of the modes of operation of the business world are more based on being opportunistic than being virtuous.  In fact, many perfectly acceptable business practices may be in direct contradiction to the teaching of Christ.  We should be motivated by higher ideals.

 We should seek to produce a product that would please the Lord.  We should pay our employees enough that a full-time worker can reasonably support a family.  We should avoid cutting corners or trying to work the system.  This may not be the way to "make it in America," but it is the way of Christ and the church.

Calling into the Storm

·        Sometimes sorrow breaks into our life

Like a storm after a holiday,

Tossing our dreams about

In its terrible winds,

It crashes our castles

And levels our lives.

“Where is God in all of this?” we ask.

We call to the corners of heaven

Hoping to hear an answer.

Stillness is all.

We wrestle and doubt,

Wondering if we were wrong.

How can we continue to hope?

What powers move beyond the universe

We cannot know:

 Worlds not seen by the human eye.

Creatures beyond imagination may exist

In this cosmic conflict, dimensions won and lost.

We are but a speck of pollen

On the wings of an eagle,

But we are carried as careful as diamonds.

Anchoring the Day

There are times when I feel less spiritual.  I was recently in a five-day conference.  It was a fruitful and busy time.  Between sessions, work lunches and making contacts, it often felt that I barely had time to breath.  In these hectic times, it can be difficult to stay centered in my spiritual walk.  Fortunately, several times a day, I was able to find a quiet corner, open up my breviary and pray.  This routine of praying the Daily Office (often called the Liturgy of the Hours, the Divine office, or the Work of God) anchors busy days in Christ.  In this way, even the most "secular" days can be sanctified.

Holding the Tongue

We are a gregarious society.  We love and value talk.  Furthermore, many of us come from a culture with a legacy of storytelling.  Let's face it, we tend to put the spotlight on those with the gift of gab.  They tend to be the center of attention, the life of the party.  If they happen to be comedians, all the better.

As a quiet child, there was considerable pressure put on me to be "more outgoing."  I was never shy.  I had no social fear, but I generally was conservative with my words.  If I had something to say, I spoke.  If I didn't I kept quiet.  I loved to chat, but reserved this time for special friends.  This respect for words was considered rather peculiar behavior in my local society. There was a great deal of pressure to be more talkative.  So, I gave in.

Fast forward a couple of decades, and I am now trying to undue the bad habits that I had formed in order to adapt to what my society said it wanted me to be.  Added to this is the awareness that as clergy, I am not as free as I once was in respect to my speech.  Every word that I say may be weighed by my parishioners.   Now, I do  not only speak for myself, but I speak for the church.

St. Benedict in his rule teaches that silence should be the default.  In fact, he says that sometimes even good thoughts should be left unsaid.  He then says that speech for the purpose of getting a cheap laugh should be avoided at all costs.

We practice silence not because we devalue speech, but because we respect it.  We use it wisely. Like an expensive wine, we do not open it up for every meal.  we save it for special uses.  The result is that by saving it and savoring it, it is all the sweater.

Redeeming Coffee Breaks

Most of us have breaks during the work day.  Perhaps we have a coffee when we first get to work.  We then have lunch  some time in the middle of the day.  Most of us will have another cup of coffee in the afternoon.  What if these times could be about more than mental and physical rest?  What if they could also be spiritual rest?

The tradition of fixed-hour prayer developed around the city bells that marked time in the work day of the early Church.  These bells rang at 9 a.m. 12 p.m. 3 p. m. and at the end of the work day.  does this schedule sound familiar?  Here I will not go into the particulars of fixed-hour prayer. There is already a lot written about it in other sources.  What I do want to do here is to recommend that, when we get that cup of coffee or take our lunch break, we stop and pray.  Currently, I am using a small pocket-sized Monastic Diurnal for these times (with some modifications and substitutions of my own).  At the very least, we could say the Lord's prayer and spend a few seconds in silence.

Prayer was never meant to be something that we did for ten minutes or so in the morning.  It was meant to be a lifestyle.  Taking a few minutes here and there during the day for prayer can help us live a life much more centered in Christ.

I once had a job that required me to do 8 hours of mindless filing of legal updates a day.  Anyone who has had experience at this will tell you that it is some of the most mind-numbing work one can do.  I was working for a contractor at the time.  The businesses often contracted this work out because no one there wanted to do it.  I would spend long hours leafing through stacks of updates watching the clock.

I have moved on since then, and have furthered my career.  Still, I prefer some parts of my job to others.  I am a creative person and a visionary, so repetitive tasks are always a challenge for me, but every job has them.  However, I have found these tasks to be great places to learn obedience.

Obedience is a dirty word today.  We all want to be autonomous.  We want to be our own masters.  Obedience is for those who do not make it.  As much as I still struggle with obedience, I have found it to be essential to having peace in the world. We live with others, and if we are going to get along, we must be willing to forgo some of our autonomy for the sake of community.  We can't all get our way all the time.  Too often our separate wills are mutually exclusive. Someone has to yield.

obedience says that, although I have a certain amount of right to do things my way, I will submit to the desires of another.  This can only be done out of love.  If I love my church, I will not be aggravated if my favorite songs are not sung.  If I love my workplace, I will not become territorial, but will work cordially with my coworkers and supervisors.

obedience is not easy.  It will test us.  It will also make us better and freer people

Spiritual Loafing

It happened again,  I had a day off only to discover about supper time that I had not had a moment of stillness all day.  It was supposed to be a day of rest, a day of prayer.  However, I did not feel comfortable unless I was doing something.  As a result, I missed a opportunity to enjoy a blessed Sabbath repose. There was nothing making me be so kinetic.  It was something from inside of me.

The psalmist wrote, "Be still and know that I am God."  I sometimes find this hard.  We are so pressured to be productive in our society, that we have lost the ability and spirituality of doing nothing.  We feel guilty if we just sit still and enjoy the presence of God.

I am coming to the place in my life where I realize that I will never know enough or accomplish enough.  I may not reach my career goals.  I may never be any more of a "master" of or "expert" on anything.  I am trying to let myself of the hook with this.  It is okay if some things are beyond my reach.  I am not God.

This acceptance of my limitations should free me from the compulsive, incessant improvement  myself.  I will continue to try to be a better minister, worker and student, but I also need to learn to spiritually loaf.

Your Cell Will Teach You Everything.

there is an old saying from the Desert Fathers, "Go to your cell and your sell will teach you everything."  A monk's cell was his room, the place where he prayed.  I do a lot of reading.  I read a lot because I have a lot to learn.  In fact, I am usually in three or four books at a time. More if I am in a class or two.  In our society, knowledge is a source of power.  Knowledge is our chief commodity.

I find ministry particularly calls for constant study.  I am newly ordained, and I am constantly aware of the things that I do not know.  I constantly am calling on more seasoned ministers to ask questions.  I also am taking the summer of from seminary to make the adjustment to ministry demands.  Part of this adjustment is reading up on leadership and ministry skills.

Since I am bi-vocational, I also am also constantly trying to keep up with industry trends.  There are some major changes in my career field, and I often feel like I am just staying afloat.  In addition, there are the particular demands of my specific place of work that require me to find creative solutions.

I have often heard it said that many ministers can't find the time to pray.  I think that this is scary. I think that this lack of prayer is the reason that many are opining a lack of spiritually deep ministers in the church.  The best pastors are not CEOs of a church, but are spiritual fathers.  This kind of spiritual  maturity can not come from books or study.  It mus come from prayer, silence and meditation.

As we spend time in our cells, that place in  your home where we meet with God, we are changed.  We are made wise.  We are educated.  Ultimately, we are reared spiritually.

Being Present

Spiritual writers will often talk of  "being present."  This means being fully aware of and in tune to the environment that you are in.  It means being attentive to those that you are with.  the other day, I was assisting in the Eucharist service, when I felt unusually wiggly.  Perhaps the coffee that I had consumed that morning was making me restless.  I found myself unable to focus on what was happening around me. I struggle with attention quite a bit, and this has on more than one occasion been a challenge to me.

Sometimes we just can't be comfortable where we are.  It is not that we have anywhere else to go, but we feel that we should be on the move.  We have trouble just be-ing in a place.

Other times we feel that the best place to be is somewhere else.  We may be in an okay place, but feel a desire to roam. We may also on occasion find ourselves in less than comfortable places, perhaps a lousy job or less than stellar marriage.  In these  times it is hard to see what the present situation can teach us.

There are also the many daily distractions that can keep us from focusing on our present situation.  If I am at a coffee shop talking to a friend, there may be pictures, music, smells other conversations and a whole host of things to distract me. It may be a challenge to listen attentively to my friend, to allow him or her to be my sole focus.  Our senses are so overwhelmed with stimuli that it is no small wonder that we have any real awareness of what is going on.

At the heart of presence is love.  If we love others, we strive to be in tune with them.  We notice things about them, like if they seem a little more down than usual, or if they themselves seem unfocused.  We know when they are hurting and when they are in need.  They may not tell us, but send us little clues that we must work to pick up.  We are attentive because we care about those around us enough to pay attention.

Even now, I am looking at the clock, waiting until I have to be at another place.  I have a lot to learn.

Loving Others as We Love Ourselves

I was thinking this evening about the commandment to love others as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39).  I know that I have many challenging personality quirks and bad habits, but I am pretty okay with them.  furthermore, I expect others to be okay with them.  In fact, if someone takes exception to one of my idiosyncrasies, I get fairly indignant.  However, that door does not always swing both ways.  What would it look  like if I were as patient with someone else as I am with me?  If I truly loved my neighbor as myself, I think that I would see him or her in a much better light.  I would probably focus more on his or her good points than obsessing over little rough spots.

Is this what Jesus died for?

 The other day, I ran across a show on the web called “Red Letter Christians.”  These are mostly young people who are striving to live a life more directed by the teachings of Jesus, especially the Sermon on the Mount.  They are often criticized by political conservative Christians because they support initiatives that are most often associated with liberal politics. Regardless of what you think of their particular stances, they raise a good question: are we living the life that Jesus taught about?  Is our church a place, for instance, where the last is first?  Far too often, we are just a nicer version of the world.  We are motivated by the same things that the world is motivated by: we just tack Jesus on the end.  We want wealth and Jesus.  We want power and Jesus.  Is this really what Jesus died for? 

Honoring Silence

The other day, I was driving a colleague to the airport.  We were talking for about fifteen minutes when we both fell silent.  It was one of those lulls in the conversation.  Though it only lasted a few seconds, it felt like it lasted much longer.  I felt like I was failing at something.  Shouldn't I be a good host and nurture the conversation? Instead of honoring the silence, I began to talk just to fill the air.  I am sure that in the next few minutes I said nothing of any consequence and probably said some things better left unsaid.

Sometimes, when ministering to those who are hurting, I feel a compulsion to verbally console them.  Something in us makes us want to make things better.  It is a compassionate desire to want to take away the pain, but we usually can’t.  Especially with grief, it is important that the stages be completed. In those times, it is best to be silent and minister with a compassionate presence.

Silence is not new to me.  I spend much of every day in silence.  Still, there is a silence when I am alone and a silence when I am with others.  The other day, I was at work helping some coworkers prepare for an event.  I looked up at them and said, “Are we done yet: I am feeling chatty and have nothing to say.  That usually gets me into trouble.”  We are a very gregarious society.  We are inordinately chatty.  We have forgotten how to be together and be silent.

We need to recover the ability to be fully present and silent with each other.  There is a time for talk, but there are also times when the talk gets in the way.  The wise person knows the difference.

A Very Simple Story

A man found himself with a great burden on his heart.  He took this burden to God in prayer to see what God had to say to him about it.  For four hours, he poured his heart out to God.  He paced about his study, clenching the breast of his shirt, pleading God to speak to him.  Finally, he fell exhausted into the chair in the corner of his study and shouted, “God why have you not spoken to me!”  After a moment of silence, God replied, “My dear child, I have been trying to speak to you for three and a half hours, but I could not get a word in edgewise.”

The smallness of ministry

Recently, I have entered into a new phase of my ministry.  I have to admit that I have found myself to be a bit over-eager.  I tend to get this way when I get excited about things, and I get excited about ministry.  The problem with this is that, when I get this way, I start to look for the big opportunities that will bring the dramatic results.  I often forget how small ministry can be.  In fact, it can sometimes be rather minuscule.  It is little words said at the right time. Or a little gesture of grace when someone needs it.  We have to look closely to see it, or we will walk right past it.  The secret to this is to be attentive: something that I am not always very good at.  We also need to be willing to me a small minister.  By that I mean that we have to be willing to be a minister of little things.  There is no act of love or compassion so small that it cannot make a difference.

The concept of the smallness of ministry runs contrary to our pride and everything that we are told about ministry success.  But, this is where most of us will live in ministry.  I remember one of my seminary professors saying in class that most of us will never be mega church pastors.  Most of us will minister in seeming obscurity in small parishes around the country.   These small things do, however, have an accumulative effect.  Like small stones in a wall, they can build a ministry over time.  It requires patience (something else that I struggle with) and commitment to a community over time.  However, grand reputations are rarely ever made this way.  To be a minister of the small things means that we must put the call to pastor above our ambitions.  There will be those occasional big events, and we should be grateful for them, but let’s not forget that it is the small ministry that can make the most difference on the long haul.  

Spiritual Feelings

There are times when I feel spiritual, and there are times when I don’t feel much like a Christian at all.  There are times when prayer seems as easy as breathing and times when I just can’t focus on prayer.  I know of many who spend most of their spiritual energy trying to stay in those former places of warm spiritual feelings.  They are to be treasured when they happen, but we can’t stay there.  There are other seasons and times of faith that we must live; and those times when we must pray through the numb feelings inside are just as powerful as the times of consolation.  God is continually at work in us even when we are distracted by the hum-drum of everyday life.  We do not worship a God of escapism.  There is a real now-ness to our faith.  There is a present-ness that embraces the joyful and the tedium of everyday living.  This is the lesson of Brother Lawrence, who found God in the washing of dishes; a job that he was not very thrilled to do at first.  So we must learn to find God in the washing of dishes, in the taking out of the trash, in the paying of bills or in the filing of reports.  Even when our mind feels like a tornado of distraction and worry, Jesus is there to say, “Peace, be still.”

Learning to Pray

The rain is coming down this evening, and I am enjoying the otherwise quiet afternoon.  I turned off the TV several hours ago, and have been studying.  Beside me on my desk are some of my most important spiritual guides: The Bible, the Book of Common Prayer and the Rule of St Benedict.  I spend time in each one every week, and each one shapes my spiritual life.  As I write this, I am reminded of the thin line between work and prayer.
 
When I think of my spiritual walk, I think most of all of silence.  I work in a library and live alone.  This affords me a significant amount of time in relative silence.  This silence is not just the absence of noise.  It is not the absence of anything.  At its richest, it is filled with the presence of God.  It is not the absence of talk either.  It is the prayer of the heart reaching to God, and listening for His voice in return.  The great thing is that this silence does not have to end when I leave the house or the library.  It can be present in the midst of an otherwise chaotic day.  I have heard others speak of the monastery of the heart.

Prayer has become an important part of my spiritual life.  With the help of the Book of Common Prayer, and other supplements, I am endeavoring to keep appointments to meet with God.  In between these times, I am learning to work in a spirit of prayer, to practice the presence of God.  Some days I do well, going nearly the entire day in prayer.  Others I struggle with distractions.  I am always reminded that I am a beginner in learning to pray.