Spiritual Feelings

There are times when I feel spiritual, and there are times when I don’t feel much like a Christian at all.  There are times when prayer seems as easy as breathing and times when I just can’t focus on prayer.  I know of many who spend most of their spiritual energy trying to stay in those former places of warm spiritual feelings.  They are to be treasured when they happen, but we can’t stay there.  There are other seasons and times of faith that we must live; and those times when we must pray through the numb feelings inside are just as powerful as the times of consolation.  God is continually at work in us even when we are distracted by the hum-drum of everyday life.  We do not worship a God of escapism.  There is a real now-ness to our faith.  There is a present-ness that embraces the joyful and the tedium of everyday living.  This is the lesson of Brother Lawrence, who found God in the washing of dishes; a job that he was not very thrilled to do at first.  So we must learn to find God in the washing of dishes, in the taking out of the trash, in the paying of bills or in the filing of reports.  Even when our mind feels like a tornado of distraction and worry, Jesus is there to say, “Peace, be still.”

Learning to Pray

The rain is coming down this evening, and I am enjoying the otherwise quiet afternoon.  I turned off the TV several hours ago, and have been studying.  Beside me on my desk are some of my most important spiritual guides: The Bible, the Book of Common Prayer and the Rule of St Benedict.  I spend time in each one every week, and each one shapes my spiritual life.  As I write this, I am reminded of the thin line between work and prayer.
 
When I think of my spiritual walk, I think most of all of silence.  I work in a library and live alone.  This affords me a significant amount of time in relative silence.  This silence is not just the absence of noise.  It is not the absence of anything.  At its richest, it is filled with the presence of God.  It is not the absence of talk either.  It is the prayer of the heart reaching to God, and listening for His voice in return.  The great thing is that this silence does not have to end when I leave the house or the library.  It can be present in the midst of an otherwise chaotic day.  I have heard others speak of the monastery of the heart.

Prayer has become an important part of my spiritual life.  With the help of the Book of Common Prayer, and other supplements, I am endeavoring to keep appointments to meet with God.  In between these times, I am learning to work in a spirit of prayer, to practice the presence of God.  Some days I do well, going nearly the entire day in prayer.  Others I struggle with distractions.  I am always reminded that I am a beginner in learning to pray.