I once had a job that required me to do 8 hours of mindless filing of legal updates a day.  Anyone who has had experience at this will tell you that it is some of the most mind-numbing work one can do.  I was working for a contractor at the time.  The businesses often contracted this work out because no one there wanted to do it.  I would spend long hours leafing through stacks of updates watching the clock.

I have moved on since then, and have furthered my career.  Still, I prefer some parts of my job to others.  I am a creative person and a visionary, so repetitive tasks are always a challenge for me, but every job has them.  However, I have found these tasks to be great places to learn obedience.

Obedience is a dirty word today.  We all want to be autonomous.  We want to be our own masters.  Obedience is for those who do not make it.  As much as I still struggle with obedience, I have found it to be essential to having peace in the world. We live with others, and if we are going to get along, we must be willing to forgo some of our autonomy for the sake of community.  We can't all get our way all the time.  Too often our separate wills are mutually exclusive. Someone has to yield.

obedience says that, although I have a certain amount of right to do things my way, I will submit to the desires of another.  This can only be done out of love.  If I love my church, I will not be aggravated if my favorite songs are not sung.  If I love my workplace, I will not become territorial, but will work cordially with my coworkers and supervisors.

obedience is not easy.  It will test us.  It will also make us better and freer people

Spiritual Loafing

It happened again,  I had a day off only to discover about supper time that I had not had a moment of stillness all day.  It was supposed to be a day of rest, a day of prayer.  However, I did not feel comfortable unless I was doing something.  As a result, I missed a opportunity to enjoy a blessed Sabbath repose. There was nothing making me be so kinetic.  It was something from inside of me.

The psalmist wrote, "Be still and know that I am God."  I sometimes find this hard.  We are so pressured to be productive in our society, that we have lost the ability and spirituality of doing nothing.  We feel guilty if we just sit still and enjoy the presence of God.

I am coming to the place in my life where I realize that I will never know enough or accomplish enough.  I may not reach my career goals.  I may never be any more of a "master" of or "expert" on anything.  I am trying to let myself of the hook with this.  It is okay if some things are beyond my reach.  I am not God.

This acceptance of my limitations should free me from the compulsive, incessant improvement  myself.  I will continue to try to be a better minister, worker and student, but I also need to learn to spiritually loaf.

Your Cell Will Teach You Everything.

there is an old saying from the Desert Fathers, "Go to your cell and your sell will teach you everything."  A monk's cell was his room, the place where he prayed.  I do a lot of reading.  I read a lot because I have a lot to learn.  In fact, I am usually in three or four books at a time. More if I am in a class or two.  In our society, knowledge is a source of power.  Knowledge is our chief commodity.

I find ministry particularly calls for constant study.  I am newly ordained, and I am constantly aware of the things that I do not know.  I constantly am calling on more seasoned ministers to ask questions.  I also am taking the summer of from seminary to make the adjustment to ministry demands.  Part of this adjustment is reading up on leadership and ministry skills.

Since I am bi-vocational, I also am also constantly trying to keep up with industry trends.  There are some major changes in my career field, and I often feel like I am just staying afloat.  In addition, there are the particular demands of my specific place of work that require me to find creative solutions.

I have often heard it said that many ministers can't find the time to pray.  I think that this is scary. I think that this lack of prayer is the reason that many are opining a lack of spiritually deep ministers in the church.  The best pastors are not CEOs of a church, but are spiritual fathers.  This kind of spiritual  maturity can not come from books or study.  It mus come from prayer, silence and meditation.

As we spend time in our cells, that place in  your home where we meet with God, we are changed.  We are made wise.  We are educated.  Ultimately, we are reared spiritually.

Being Present

Spiritual writers will often talk of  "being present."  This means being fully aware of and in tune to the environment that you are in.  It means being attentive to those that you are with.  the other day, I was assisting in the Eucharist service, when I felt unusually wiggly.  Perhaps the coffee that I had consumed that morning was making me restless.  I found myself unable to focus on what was happening around me. I struggle with attention quite a bit, and this has on more than one occasion been a challenge to me.

Sometimes we just can't be comfortable where we are.  It is not that we have anywhere else to go, but we feel that we should be on the move.  We have trouble just be-ing in a place.

Other times we feel that the best place to be is somewhere else.  We may be in an okay place, but feel a desire to roam. We may also on occasion find ourselves in less than comfortable places, perhaps a lousy job or less than stellar marriage.  In these  times it is hard to see what the present situation can teach us.

There are also the many daily distractions that can keep us from focusing on our present situation.  If I am at a coffee shop talking to a friend, there may be pictures, music, smells other conversations and a whole host of things to distract me. It may be a challenge to listen attentively to my friend, to allow him or her to be my sole focus.  Our senses are so overwhelmed with stimuli that it is no small wonder that we have any real awareness of what is going on.

At the heart of presence is love.  If we love others, we strive to be in tune with them.  We notice things about them, like if they seem a little more down than usual, or if they themselves seem unfocused.  We know when they are hurting and when they are in need.  They may not tell us, but send us little clues that we must work to pick up.  We are attentive because we care about those around us enough to pay attention.

Even now, I am looking at the clock, waiting until I have to be at another place.  I have a lot to learn.

Loving Others as We Love Ourselves

I was thinking this evening about the commandment to love others as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39).  I know that I have many challenging personality quirks and bad habits, but I am pretty okay with them.  furthermore, I expect others to be okay with them.  In fact, if someone takes exception to one of my idiosyncrasies, I get fairly indignant.  However, that door does not always swing both ways.  What would it look  like if I were as patient with someone else as I am with me?  If I truly loved my neighbor as myself, I think that I would see him or her in a much better light.  I would probably focus more on his or her good points than obsessing over little rough spots.

Is this what Jesus died for?

 The other day, I ran across a show on the web called “Red Letter Christians.”  These are mostly young people who are striving to live a life more directed by the teachings of Jesus, especially the Sermon on the Mount.  They are often criticized by political conservative Christians because they support initiatives that are most often associated with liberal politics. Regardless of what you think of their particular stances, they raise a good question: are we living the life that Jesus taught about?  Is our church a place, for instance, where the last is first?  Far too often, we are just a nicer version of the world.  We are motivated by the same things that the world is motivated by: we just tack Jesus on the end.  We want wealth and Jesus.  We want power and Jesus.  Is this really what Jesus died for? 

Honoring Silence

The other day, I was driving a colleague to the airport.  We were talking for about fifteen minutes when we both fell silent.  It was one of those lulls in the conversation.  Though it only lasted a few seconds, it felt like it lasted much longer.  I felt like I was failing at something.  Shouldn't I be a good host and nurture the conversation? Instead of honoring the silence, I began to talk just to fill the air.  I am sure that in the next few minutes I said nothing of any consequence and probably said some things better left unsaid.

Sometimes, when ministering to those who are hurting, I feel a compulsion to verbally console them.  Something in us makes us want to make things better.  It is a compassionate desire to want to take away the pain, but we usually can’t.  Especially with grief, it is important that the stages be completed. In those times, it is best to be silent and minister with a compassionate presence.

Silence is not new to me.  I spend much of every day in silence.  Still, there is a silence when I am alone and a silence when I am with others.  The other day, I was at work helping some coworkers prepare for an event.  I looked up at them and said, “Are we done yet: I am feeling chatty and have nothing to say.  That usually gets me into trouble.”  We are a very gregarious society.  We are inordinately chatty.  We have forgotten how to be together and be silent.

We need to recover the ability to be fully present and silent with each other.  There is a time for talk, but there are also times when the talk gets in the way.  The wise person knows the difference.